I’m a sober atheist

In very general terms, the queer community as a whole has a historically contentious relationship with God and religion.

Anti-LGBTQ sentiments run deep in a lot of organized religions that culminate in perceived immorality, persecution and, even legislation fueled by the anti-queer beliefs of religion continue to affect us all.

Still.

In 2018.

I’d say I’m about 80% atheist and 20% agnostic. I discovered that religion and God weren’t my cup of tea when I was in 6th grade. (more…)

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We’re Here, We’re Queer – Shayna’s Story

This month is the first installment of a new series I’m doing called We’re Here, We’re Queer! The series will be a way for me to spotlight a different queer or trans member of the recovery community on the 15th of each month by giving them a space to tell their own recovery story. The stories can and will be a mix of mediums: writing, photography, visual art, poetry, etc. Some will be anonymous, some will not. Some will be a “work in progress” as people are working their way to/through recovery and some will be from people who have been in recovery for years. There will be one common thread – they are all part of the LGBTQIA+ community.

I am really excited to share this first contribution to We’re Here, We’re Queer! I feel so lucky to be able to share Shayna’s story of both her journey to sobriety and accepting her sexuality. I could probably write an entire post about how much I love her story but, I think I’ll just let you read it for yourself:

 

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Whiteness

It’s February and almost Valentine’s Day so, I’ve been trying to write about love but, something about it just kept feeling…. off.

The thing is, I’ve have been reading a lot about whiteness lately and I’ve been growing increasingly frustrated and angry with it. Now, when I say whiteness, I don’t mean actual people with light skin (though we are the ones who benefit from whiteness.) I mean the social construct that prioritizes white features, people, behaviors, history and, attitudes over those of indigenous people and people of other races. (info here) (more…)

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Tomboy

Yesterday I saw/heard two interviews with Lena Waithe. For those of you who don’t know who she is, she recently was the first black woman to win a comedy writing Emmy for co-writing the Thanksgiving episode in season 2 of Mater of None. Her new series, The Chi, just debuted on Showtime so she’s been doing the interview circuit.

I am 37 years old and I came out almost 21 years ago. I have seen things change drastically in that time, including myself. Coming out before the age of the internet meant that I had to find all of my gay stuff in bookstores and video stores. Seeing women who looked like me in media was a rare treat, and it only ever really happened in movies I rented. Growing up my film and TV role models were Vada Sultenfuss from My Girl, Jo on the Facts of Life, Valerie Bertinelli’s character on One Day At A Time and, Alex Mack on The Secret World of Alex Mack. The thing is, as each of these characters grow up, they also grow out of their tomboyish-ness. (more…)

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Slow Burn

It’s noon and I just got out of bed. I wasn’t sleeping that whole time — it’s just that it’s raining out and I love the sound of rain more than almost anything so, I stayed in bed to listen to it.

I’m a slow burn. It takes me a long time go get things done. My friendships build slowly, the tasks I do have lots of breaks built in, it can take me so long to realize I like someone romantically that they have often already moved on to friend mode by the time my light bulb goes on. Acting quickly, when it relates to myself, is something I’ve never been keen on. Rapid fire questions can give me an anxiety attack, I like to get to events early so they can fill in around me, I love my fucking couch. I’m afraid. Of what, you ask? Well, pretty much everything. (more…)

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Well, here I am. But, why?

I had my last drink on January 27th, 2016. I was on vacation, alone, in Hawaii. That next morning I was done with it. It was an interesting vacation after that, crying on the beach every day. This decision came after at least two years of agonizing and thinking and justifying my relationship with alcohol. This came after years of using, first, self-mutilation (cutting) and eventually alcohol to help me deal with feelings. I was 35 years old and I was about to learn how to really be a human for the first time.

hawaii sunset
Actual photo I took on my crying, Hawaiian vacation.

As I began finding my path and my people in the recovery space, things got easier. I was able to deal with how I felt as it was happening. I was able to hold my boundaries and take care of myself. There was one thing missing for me though, the stories of other queer people. (more…)

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