Telling a Secret

I didn’t go to College.

There. I said it.

Not that this is the biggest secret in the world but, it is something that I’ve felt increasingly anxious about people finding out over the past few years. You see, the people I know and interact with on a regular basis are often VERY educated and super smart. I always have this fear that they’ll find out that I don’t have any degree at all, never mind the multiple degrees a lot of them have, and decide that I’m not smart enough to hang out with. Or smart enough to work with. Or smart enough to exist in their world.

But listen, I AM smart enough. I know it. I hold my own in conversations about pretty complex topics with MDs, PhDs and MBAs. I have been working and taking care of myself for my entire adult life. I’m a hard worker. I’m resourceful. I find creative solutions to problems. I deliver quality work. I can rally others. I am always reading and learning new things. I am open to new ideas and experiences. I am willing to try work and projects I’ve never done before. I am intelligent. I am funny. I am a leader. I am worthy.

A lot of why I drank had to do with my anxiety but, another part of why I drank was to quiet the thoughts that I had fucked up my life and that I wasn’t going anywhere. It was only when I stopped drinking and started dealing with my thoughts and feelings head on that I realized how much potential I have. I can really do anything. ANYTHING! This confidence and knowledge didn’t come overnight. It took a lot of work and self-reflection and encouragement from those closest to me but, here I am. Knowing I can do anything and, even more importantly, I’m doing it.

I have no way of knowing if my life would be any better if I had gone to college however, I do know that my life is pretty good now. I know that the way I do things might be different from other people because I wasn’t taught how to do it the “right” way but, is that so bad? I definitely know that I’m content with the path I’m on because I’m constantly seeking new information and I’m challenging myself daily.

I also know that I don’t have any student loan debt. So…. There’s that too.

Is telling this little secret going to change the way some people think of me? Maybe. But, those probably aren’t the people I want to surround myself with. They probably weren’t going to be the ones to help lift me to my full potential anyway.

No matter what, telling this truth about myself makes me feel better because, what’s the point of doing the work of recovery if you’re not going to be honest about who you are?

Be yourself. Unapologetically. Always.

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